The Arizona Book Club – a less than conventional convention

profets

When RV traveling to Arizona there are various groups you may be invited to join if the fickle members are so inclined and in the opinion of one of the charter members you have something to offer.

The Clubs

I have been invited to join several of these clubs. The pickle ball club was the first to approach me, but after a couple of games my invitation was quickly withdrawn and I was sent crying to my mom.

Man yoga

The next was the Yoga club, but and I mean butt, because apparently you need to get your butt off the mat, and snoring during the relaxation session is not acceptable. The very gracious women didn’t ask me to leave. It seemed at first I had made my initial appearance at the final meeting because when I arrived for the next session at the usual time and place no one was there? I found out later,  when I met one of my fellow yogaist, that they had changed the day and time and I guess notifying myself was overlooked ……….right?

The Corn Hole Club?

The next club was the corn hole club……..I said pardon………the what club……..after picking myself off the floor and making a hasty retreat…….”something was burning on the stove,” I think I said.
OK what’s wrong, I must be missing something, the person that asked me to join didn’t even blink, crack a smile, nothing, dead pan serious. After a lengthy discussion with the management (Lynda), a conclusion was reached, we needed to investigate this obscure club.

cartoon group

At the time I was thinking, what kind of talents were so obvious that I was asked to join. You see where I come from if someone mentions “corn hole” it is usually related to an alternate life style,………. to be as delicate as I can.
Now the problem is how to investigate without drawing the wrong kind of attention……like a punch in the kisser?………..Ah the internet.

Corn hole
Apparently the words “corn hole” have at least two meanings and the one that I was looking for was indeed a game. Bags full of corn are tossed at a inclined surface with several holes with the object being to put the bag through one of the holes, thus “corn holing”…… I am still not comfortable with the phrase.

corn hole game

Needless to say I did not seek out this club, how do you say to someone that you are a member of the “Corn Hole Club?”

 

The Book Club

After retirement on one of our first trips south,  we were invited to park our rig for a few days at our friends home in Surprise Az.  Ken and Nancy are blessed with two homes, one at the lake where we live and one in Arizona.
As fate would have it, our visit coincided with an evening meeting of a group of gentlemen, “cigar night”.

Cigars
This very exclusive club contains only half a dozen or so members. The meetings are held at various locations, usually within staggering distance of the charter members’ place of residence.
Of course cigars are usually accompanied by fine scotch whiskey, martinis, or what ever favorite refreshment the members desire.

The hosting member is obliged to have these favorites on hand as well as h’ordeuvres du jour to start, to be followed by a gourmet delight that could range from boeuf between croissant avec fromage to various rare pomme de terre wrapped in swine strips.

french dining

Hopefully the description does not offend as that is all the French I know.
The group although mature (old) and wise??… does not often delve into academic topics of any great depth. The subjects are intentionally limited to lighter versions found at any pissup.

The Members

The group was brought together many years ago by an interesting if not mysterious individual. The group describes him as an ex-hit man who has gone into witness protection. I cannot mention his name for obvious reasons. He has disappeared since my initial encounter with the group, somewhere east was mentioned?

gangster
the founding member

As he described to me, the intention was for the group to come together for, “ a cigar and “a”, “one” drink, and then drift back to routine. Needless to say the group has evolved, several cigars are inhaled to the point I half expect the fire department to be dispatched. The increase in laughter and discussions are directly related to the flow of spirits.

Pope Paul

The Pope

From my observations since the disappearance of the founding member, the meeting agenda and location has fallen to Paul (the Pope), or at least he seems to begin the discussion as to where the next meeting will be held, the time is always Wednesday at 5.

It has been said that the Pope got his name because his brother is a Jesuit Priest, this could be part of it, but I think it is derived from the religious way he polishes his shaft and balls between holes on the golf course.

The Sheppard

The Sheppard

Ken seems to be one of the main instigators of the group. You would think he got his name from something to do with sheep, and from his collection of rubber boots……..in Arizona where it almost never rains, you decide.
Although this may be true, a Sheppard must look after his flock and if there is an issue with a golf engagement he seems to take it on himself to make sure all goes smoothly, even though not scheduled to participate, he will appear.

Cactus Dan
Catus Dan
Cactus Dan in action

 

By his name you would think he would have a prickly disposition, but not so of this gentle giant. He actually got his name from a run in with an overly amorous cactus in his back yard while lighting his outside grill. Rumor has it a minor mishap caused him to retreat too vigorously and inadvertently started a game of corn hole with the cactus.

 

Cactus thorns
more than a pair of medics

 

The Pope to the rescue with a pair of pliers. It has been said that no thorns were extracted below the panty line…….. Nothing else will be mentioned.

 

 

 

Jim (Perry Mason)

Perrry Mason

You probably remember this hit TV show of the attorney and his associates that could solve any mysterious crime no matter how dumb founding. Enter Jim the solicitor of the group, a quiet man that is not to quick to offer free advice although during the last meeting he did offer this advice to one of the members at large.

 

 

Man injured

Quote, “divorce from a man’s perspective is vastly different from a women’s and he may just as well cut off his manhood and mail them to his despondent ex- partner,” end quote. I hope the advice is free?

The Member At Large

Not sure why he is at large, maybe his disgruntled soon to be ex-wife is on the hunt for his manhood. Grant with his member at large, after departing from his previous ball and chain, has found a new love. I remember with his ex he was always trying to wear the pants,………… now with his new love he might as well wear the dress.

Mustache
Grant with half his manhood

 

He has been obliged to shave off his mustache, burn his wardrobe, and go against the main charter of The Book Club, curtail his consumption of spirits.

 

 

So you can see although secretive and aloof, Arizona does have an elite aristocratic component and although mostly transient in the summer, these elitest will reconvene next fall under the loose guidance of the chartered members.

The Group

The book club 001
From left to right, Cactus Dan, Member at large, The Pope, Perry Mason, and the Sheppard, I’m taking the picture.

 

And although I have not been formally asked to join this exclusive club, I am sure this article, along with the refreshments I bring to the golf course will expedite my application.

My thanks for the Arizona Book Club for their continuing support, and I am sure we will get to that book next meeting.

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Thanks for visiting

Gord B.

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