By the time an Rver is ready to retire from the road many thousands miles have passed under his rig and the call of the wandering road is fading, He’s ready to park it for good.
We will all reach this milestone and another stage of life begins. Some of us will make the transition gracefully and others not so much.
I guess getting old is a bonus otherwise if you’re not getting old you’re………..?
After retiring from the joys of RV traveling, life becomes a little less exciting and a little more routine oriented.
The Morning Ritual
Normally a person’s day starts in the morning although for many of us retired Rvers sleeping is an issue so the day may start in the wee hours or even the night before. Most of us mature citizens rarely sleep through the night without the need to visit the facilities at least once, and sometimes the sensation is just a sensation.
So there you sit, in the dark, in the room with one seat, waiting for something to happen. If you are lucky after some coaxing the night time urge is real and the deed is completed, but if not, the routine will be replayed at least once before the morning light appears.
Even if we are lucky enough not to wake during the dead of night, morning often comes early. Sleeping in is not an option, as we age, even if we are more tired than the previous bedtime.
So up we get, rise and not so much shine as we would like. The ritual begins, another trip to the familiar one stool area and if the stars are still aligned, success…….. Or if not that unfinished feeling. We’ll need to tend to that later…..hopefully?
Shave and shower only if totally necessary, although a check for a unsocial scent from the pits may suffice, only if the good shoulder hasn’t turned into the bad shoulder overnight and the check becomes too painful, in that case a quick scratch and sniff will have to do. Shaving is normally left for the shower day, so it can be skipped as well, if the shower is not urgent.
Next… brush your teeth or maybe find them first, usually located on the counter in the one seat room, unless the night staff has been over officious and hid them in a drawer or cupboard. If you locate them they are usually soaking in some odd shaped vestal filled with colored water with some new and improved bubbling action that may or may not have dispersed the prior days deposits.
Rinse and insert and hopefully they are your pearly whites and not one of the other occupants……. awkward.
OK teeth in…..now hair combed if you have some left after trying to find your teeth. Of course your comb is usually sporting some of the last decades follicles that you will have to someday sadly discard as memories of flowing locks dance through your mind.
If there appears to be more skin than hair on your noggin, maybe you have invested in a hair hat that hopefully isn’t too much of a striking contrast with the remaining hair as some I have seen.
Of course everyone who knows you compliments your expensive piece. It’s only people who don’t know you are laughing, with you…..right.
The Day’s Attire
Underwear, or depends for that occasional laughing fit that causes a soiled situation. Hooray no need to make that effort and change, already changed several days ago, catch those with the next shower, or mishap.
To the closet for the latest fashion of a decade ago, or maybe your chosen ensemble is laying in your favorite controversial drop zone……. But the closet is the best, you don’t have to bend your aching back to sort through the zone, your back is probably like your legs and seem like they’re still in bed, stiff as a board,………hum brings back an odd thought of something…… not sure what. Besides the drop zone cannot be seen over the bed yet and management seems to be forgiving this morning.
The upper body wear, no buttons, fingers don’t seem to want to attend to the chore or maybe still in bed with my legs. A pullover or something easy over the reluctant shoulder.
Pants are next ….hum…the leg thing again, one could lay on the bed but if memory serves that could dangerous, when in prone position during the day a nap seems to interrupt the bed making, and the management’s demeanor heads south instantly without a chance of an about face. So no laying on the bed. A call for assistance may be in order. It’s probably too warm for socks and who wears socks with slippers anyway?
Lets do Drugs.
With the morning rituals out of the way it must be time for breakfast but first things first. Unfortunately as we age drugs become a fact of life, you take pills to regulate all sorts of bodily functions. Sometimes with an improper dose a violent reaction may fill your depends or maybe it could be the opposite and the plumbing backs up for days only to let loose at totally the wrong time.
We take pills to make things relax, pills to make things that are relaxed become more non-relaxed, if you know what I mean.
At this time in your life it’s handy to have an assistant with the daily agenda laid out,….. oh and your pills.
Our Daily Bread
After doing drugs it’s time to pig out……… not. What does the kitchen have on tap for this morning, probably one of the usual menu items, no seeds to get under the well worn choppers, a seed if not noticed can cause enough damage that use of the common prosthesis is impossible, a caved in face will be the result while gumming the next meal, another too rare spectator event.
Something bland so as not to destabilize the nature of things to pass and of course there is the problem of the roaring smelly monster that haunts the bowels and makes itself known at always the most inappropriate times.
So with breakfast conquered some light exercise may be on the agenda, the two remotes will suffice. What to watch, not much good on during the day. Not to be concerned, the distraction won’t last long, the inside of the eye lids need a thorough check before lunch.
The favorite meal, not as crucial as breakfast, the nature of things are more active after a busy morning and the smelly monster can be tamed with a short walk that is unlikely to happen, the weather is always unpredictable after lunch and that means nap time is close at hand.
After a too short several hour nap you’re feeling pretty chipper ready for the day. Maybe a stroll to the back door might be in order and a detour through the kitchen for a snack on the way…..the excitement at this adventure is hard to contain.
Yep there’s the back door and just outside is one of my favorite chairs and the inclement weather has improved….the sun isn’t so bright, and the temperature has cooled to a tolerable sitting temperature. Time to take a load off, after all with all the exercise a rest is mandatory.
A noisy bird of some sort awakens me…..or maybe it was that smelly monster again. In any case when you’re out numbered a retreat inside is prudent. Actually it wasn’t the aroma of the monster it was dinner that caused all the commotion.
Perfect timing, the light snack of several bags of chips, dip and some other leftover tasty morsels in several small containers has worn off from the over intense exercise of earlier.
One of the most important meals of the day and its not what you’re thinking.
If everything is not just right, the nature of things could be misaligned and the whole night and into the wee hours could be interrupted by several inevitable trips to the one seat room for several false alarms or worse it could be an unexpected secretion disguised as the smelly monster. Not good.
An untimely development is bad enough during daylight hours but during the night after the help has retired one must contend with the disaster alone.
The shower would be necessary. A detachable shower head works well to closely infiltrate those hard to reach areas.
Lucky the shower was avoided earlier, too many showers can dry out your skin. Ok the clean up, you see if you have had the unfortunate opportunity to deal with this situation before, as others have, you probably have a simple solution.
The trick is not to remove soiled night clothes, climb into the shower and let the cascading water and the removable shower head do the job. In fact you are actually killing two birds with one stone so to speak. Cleaning the mess and having a shower. Brilliant.
Note – do not put soaked clothing into the dirty clothes container, it drives the staff bonkers, and there is nowhere she will not find you. The tub works, they will not be soaked by the time they are discovered,…….. hopefully.
OK dinner’s done, time to head to the favorite chair and the TV. As you settle in for a relaxing evening you’re startled by an annoying jostling. Apparently the night staff says she cannot hear the TV, something about snoring, go figure? She says it was you, how could it be you’re wide awake? It was probably someone else, to which she exclaimed that we are the only two in the room. Talk about splitting hairs. That’s all the excuse that was needed.
With an indignant gesture you exclaim, “that’s it I’m going to bed,” its bedtime somewhere………right?
So there you have it, “A day in the life of a retired Rver”. There definitely are some similarities to other retired people, but without the travel history.
I hope this has given you some insight into the adventures that await, so enjoy every minute, you never know when RV retirement will strike.
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